My ENG-1BH class in Norco community college was really special because it didn’t just teach us the gift of writing but also the ability to think outside the box with an analytical perspective. Our Professor, Dan Reade, was a great mentor in this. His class wasn’t easy but it was certainly entertaining and challenging.

I dedicate this article to him!

There was a really good concept we learned in this class about a literary element of tension. Robert Dale Parker introduces this theme of “Tension”. Something in the story in which two forces pull in the opposite direction and cause the story to essentially be “deep”. I think it is interesting that even though this is about a story, it has much to say more about ourselves.

So enjoy this read!

Our identities are an intricate web of personal beliefs, societal roles, cultural norms, and inner aspirations. They form the foundation of how we perceive ourselves and how we are perceived by others. These identities can often clash in subtle and profound ways, leading to what Robert Dale Parker defines as “tension.” In the context of self-identity, tension doesn’t always manifest as an immediate internal conflict; rather, it can appear as a constant undercurrent in the way we balance the identities we embody and how they are reflected back to us through our interactions with the world. In layman’s terms, think of this as two forces that push in opposite directions…except in identities.

The Concept of Tension in Identity

Tension, in literary terms, refers to a state of unresolved conflict, a push and pull between forces that seem to contradict but also define one another. In our personal lives, this tension becomes most noticeable when the identities we hold such as those tied to profession, family, culture, and even social expectations just fail to align with the reflections we see in others or the world around us. We are not just navigating these roles and self-perceptions; we are also navigating how these roles and identities are mirrored back to us, shaping the way we see ourselves and the world in turn.

This “mirror effect,” as it could be called(I named this), is where the issue of imbalance lies. When we fail to directly balance the identities we hold, the mirror whether it be other people’s expectations, societal labels, or even our own internalized perceptions, creates a distorted reflection. It’s not that we are incapable of balancing our various roles; it’s that the reflections we receive in our day-to-day lives often prompt us to reexamine our choices, priorities, and authenticity. The tension arises from the disparity between the idealized versions of our identities and the reality of how those identities are perceived or reflected back to us.

Reflections of Identity: The Source of Tension

The problem with these reflections is that they often prompt an overcompensation of sorts. For instance, we may project an identity that we feel is expected of us — a successful professional, a dutiful family member, or an active participant in a specific cultural or societal movement. But when these identities clash or when they are reflected back to us in a way that feels incomplete or superficial, tension arises. These are the moments when we question: “Am I being seen for who I truly am, or am I merely a reflection of someone else’s expectations?”

This tension can be intensified when our identities reflect conflicting values or when we feel pressured to maintain a façade to satisfy external perceptions. The more we rely on these reflections — whether through social media, workplace dynamics, or even family interactions — the more distorted our self-image can become, leading to a cycle of self-doubt and anxiety. The identities we project often become the mirror of our internal desires, but if those projections are not aligned with our true values or sense of self, the reflection can feel incomplete or distorted.

Balancing Identities and Reflections

In this light, managing tension becomes not just about balancing the internal aspects of who we are, but also about finding peace with how those identities are reflected and received by others. It’s not enough to simply navigate the complex roles we play in life — we must also be willing to confront the ways in which we allow others to define us, and how we choose to reflect that in return. This process of balancing involves developing a deeper understanding of who we are beneath the external projections and how we can align those projections with our internal desires.

However, this alignment doesn’t come without challenges. It requires self-awareness and an ongoing dialogue with the different parts of our identity, constantly assessing how each part interacts with the others. If left unchecked, the reflection of these identities can lead to further fragmentation, leaving us torn between multiple versions of ourselves. The key, then, is not to seek perfection in these reflections, but to embrace the tension they create as an opportunity for growth and deeper self-understanding.

So what?

The tension between our identities and the reflections of them is not inherently negative; rather, it is a part of the human experience that shapes our development. By understanding how this tension operates but not as a problem to solve, but as a dynamic force to navigate. we learn to embrace our identities in their entirety. In doing so, we not only understand the various roles we play but also learn to find peace in the reflections of those roles that the world constantly mirrors back to us.

It’s pretty interesting to me because we can often see concept in movies.

In the end, the tension between who we are and how we are reflected is not a problem to be solved, but a journey to be embraced. Each moment of discomfort is an opportunity to learn more about ourselves, to grow, and to evolve into the fullest version of who we are meant to be. By embracing this tension with compassion and curiosity, we can find peace in the fact that we are ever-changing, multifaceted beings, worthy of both love and self-acceptance. And in this dance between identity and reflection, we ultimately discover that we are more than the sum of our roles — we are whole, beautiful, and enough, just as we are.

So my question for you: How do the identities we embrace and the reflections we receive shape the way we perceive our true selves, and how can we navigate the tension between them without losing sight of who we truly are?

Until next time,

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