We’ve all experienced that pivotal moment where an opportunity for greatness was within reach, yet we chose not to seize it. Deep down, we knew that with effort, determination, and a bit of courage, we might have succeeded. But we also knew there was a chance we could fail and spectacularly, look like fools, feel humiliated, or expose our deepest vulnerabilities. And so, in a split second, fear gripped us, and we pulled the plug.

But why is it that we didn’t focus on the extraordinary possibilities instead of the dreadful what-ifs?

So I delved into the research and discovered that human beings are biologically wired to focus more on negative experiences than positive ones. This innate tendency is called “negativity bias” — a psychological phenomenon that evolved as a survival mechanism. In our evolutionary past, being hyper-attuned to threats and failures was essential for staying alive. It meant recognizing danger in time to avoid being devoured or injured. But here’s the irony: while this trait was invaluable in an environment where survival hinged on vigilance itself, where life-threatening risks like predators lurked everywhere….it now sabotages our ability to assess risks and opportunities in the modern world. After all, I promise you won’t be attacked by lions or mauled by bears while you sleep… unless, of course, you’re living deep in the forest and you are an idiot lol.

One of the primary reasons we overestimate risk and undervalue opportunity lies in the emotional disparity between failure and success. Failure leaves a mark on us that is far deeper, sharper, and more enduring than success ever does. When we fail, it feels personal — a harsh, unrelenting mirror reflecting our insecurities and doubts. It triggers feelings of shame, embarrassment, and inadequacy. And because the mind is an overzealous archivist, we replay these failures repeatedly, like a broken record, reinforcing their emotional weight and significance. It’s as though failure carves itself into the fabric of our memory, leaving scars we can’t easily erase.

For instance, think back to times you’ve faced rejection — whether from a job you desperately wanted, a relationship you cherished, or a creative project you poured your heart into. Even if these rejections were relatively rare, they cling to you like shadows, lingering far longer than the small victories you’ve achieved along the way.

I still remember in highschool I got 1200, which was really bad. But then I studied my ass off, even if it meant getting a lower score, of for that matter the same score, I ended up getting a 1420(in 2019), I don’t know the new system and how it works.

On the other hand, success, though far more frequent, feels transient — like sand slipping through our fingers. When we achieve something — whether it’s securing a job, completing a daunting project, or receiving praise — we experience a fleeting sense of triumph. But we rarely pause to savor or internalize that success. Instead, we adapt to it with astonishing speed, shifting our focus to the next goal or challenge. This phenomenon is known as the “hedonic treadmill” — a psychological tendency where positive experiences lose their luster as we quickly adjust to new circumstances. Essentially, we take our successes for granted, treating them as ordinary and unremarkable, even though they occur far more often than our failures.

This imbalance creates a distorted perception of risks and rewards. The pain of past failures looms so disproportionately large that we develop an irrational, paralyzing fear of failure. Our minds become skilled at magnifying potential pitfalls, conjuring catastrophic what-if scenarios: What if I lose everything? What if I embarrass myself? What if I let others down? Simultaneously, we diminish the potential rewards of taking action, dismissing opportunities as too precarious or not worth the effort.

The result? We become overly protective of our emotional well-being, constructing walls to shield ourselves from the sting of failure. But these walls don’t just protect us, they confine us. And this isn’t limited to personal goals. It seeps into our relationships, careers, and creative pursuits, holding us back from connection and growth.

This instinct to avoid discomfort might feel comforting in the short term, but it carries long-term consequences. By overestimating risk and undervaluing opportunity, we deny ourselves the chance to evolve, succeed, and experience life’s richness. We tell ourselves that playing it safe is the rational choice when, in truth, it’s a decision driven entirely by fear of a failure that may never materialize or, if it does, will likely be far less catastrophic than we imagine.

Think about how many life-altering opportunities people forgo because of this misplaced fear. Whether it’s launching a new business, pursuing a creative dream, or stepping into a leadership role, the fear of failure paralyzes us. We obsess over the question: What if I fail? Yet we rarely consider the more empowering alternative: What if I succeed?

The truth is, every successful person has stumbled, fallen, and failed repeatedly on their path to achievement. What sets them apart isn’t the absence of failure, but their willingness to view failure as a teacher rather than a tormentor. Each misstep is not an endpoint but a stepping stone, offering insights and lessons that pave the road to eventual success.

Much of this imbalance of overvaluing failure and undervaluing success comes from a simple lack of perspective. If we paused to reflect on our experiences, we’d realize that success has occurred far more frequently than failure. How many times have you taken risks — big or small — that turned out beautifully? How many challenges have you overcome that once seemed insurmountable? These victories are plentiful, yet we overlook them, allowing a handful of failures to cast an outsized shadow over our accomplishments.

To break free from this pattern, we must consciously recalibrate our mindset. First, we must understand that failure is not an indictment of our worth or abilities. It is an inevitable, necessary part of growth. Second, we must actively celebrate our successes no matter how small and use them as evidence of our capability, resilience, and resourcefulness. When we embrace our wins, they become a powerful counterbalance to the weight of failure, helping us see risks and opportunities through a more balanced lens.

Ultimately, we must remember this: the fear of failure should never be allowed to eclipse the potential for success. Yes, failure is a possibility, but so is triumph. And the cost of inaction of missed opportunities, unrealized dreams, and untapped potential is far greater than the temporary sting of falling short. To thrive, we must step out from the shadow of fear, confident that we are resilient enough to weather any outcome. After all, the greatest risk of all is not failure, it’s the regret of never discovering just how far we could have gone.

Until then next time!

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